Grumpiest Old Men

Vice President Dick Cheney, the wily veteran of numerous long but successful legislative and lobbying campaigns on behalf of the oil and energy industries and five-time recipient of the Lavender Spleen for deferments sustained during the War in Vietnam, had U.S. troops in mind when he boldly addressed the American Enterprise Institute today:

"American soldiers and Marines serving in Iraq go out every day into some of the most dangerous and unpredictable conditions ... conditions not unlike those found in the House of Representatives these days," Cheney said, to muted laughter. "Meanwhile, back in the United States, a few politicians are suggesting these brave Americans were sent into battle for a deliberate falsehood.... What the hell is my point here? Oh:

"This is revisionism of the most corrupt and shameless variety."

When asked after his speech by a doting member of the conservative think tank if published rumors in People Magazine and elsewhere were true, that he and John Bolton may be reprising the roles of Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau for a third installment of the "Grumpy Old Men" movie series, Cheney gave a wry smile, winked and said simply, "Fuck yourself, groupie!"

"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for Halliburton!"