Thursday, January 17, 2008

I must be un-American

I must be un-American because:
  1. I honestly don't give a damn about the foibles of Britney Spears, Kevin Federline, Lindsay Lohan, Brad Pitt, Jessica Simpson, O.J. Simpson, or any other celebrity for that matter. I don't care about their marriages, breakups, divorces, reconciliations, pregnancies, births, adoptions, custody battles, DUI's, court appearances, trips to rehab, escapes from rehab, favorite recipes, little secrets, and insecurities. And the media and paparazzi who chase after this crap should be butt-waxed in public.

  2. I want all televangelists, their families, friends, followers, accountants, lawyers, handlers, swindlers, and other partners in crime to pick my fruits and vegetables. Forever. Especially that money-grubbing Creflo Dollar creep (what a perfect name for a televangelist).

  3. I want George Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and the entire executive staff at Halliburton to spend one month driving Humvees through the crowded streets of Baghdad.

  4. I want every single executive at Exxon Mobil Corporation to ride a billion dollars worth of unicycles through the crowded streets of Baghdad, wearing nothing but an "I love Dick Cheney!" tee shirt.

  5. I want Billy Mays to drink a gallon of OxiClean, blanch his testicles in boiling Orange Glo, and sing the national anthem at this year's Superbowl.
There will be more ...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rawr! you're hilarious man! But the lost dog man... you forgot about the poor dog! That was the headline news item on Fox when Paris lost it!

10:47 AM  

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